I’ve been working on this Bacchus at a laundromat in Vienna, my friend’s house in Geneva, and on the train to my parents heading to Frankfurt. While writing this, I’ve also moved apartments – again. All in all, these last months have probably been some of the most tumultuous in my life. But despite the ups and downs and ups and downs and ups and downs (you get the drift), I think I’m heading in the right direction of finding some post-graduate balance. But let’s start at the beginning – my move to Vienna last September.
Some of you might remember my Bacchus from a year ago, in which I wrote about finishing my second master’s and my worries and hopes connected with leaving academia. Shortly after it was published, I applied for a traineeship at an EU agency and got my acceptance email in August. What followed was a whirlwind of events: my boyfriend and I discussed how we would make long-distance work, I said goodbye to my friends and Amsterdam, moved back to my parents for a month, and looked for housing in Vienna while on vacation. Luckily, finding a room was easier and cheaper than I was used to in Amsterdam, so I thought I had that figured out. Boy, was I wrong. But more on that later.
When my traineeship started in October, the 40-hour work week hit me like a truck. In all honesty, getting used to this new rhythm took me the better part of my 10-month traineeship. I felt insanely unbalanced in the beginning, having to wake up at 7:30 every day, going to the office when it’s dark outside, coming back when it’s dark outside, making dinner, trying to hang out with the other trainees, calling my friends, facetiming my boyfriend, and somehow doing my laundry in between all of this. This was also the first time in my life I had to make friends and explore a new city with so little time, energy, and lacking the option to sleep in or skip class. Eventually, I did find something resembling balance which means that there are weeks when I go out with friends after work, do a pottery workshop or head to the cinema, while there are other weeks when I am staying in, taking a bath, and watching Pride and Prejudice – again.
I initially didn’t only feel unbalanced because of this new rhythm, I also felt unbalanced because I wasn’t used to spending 40 hours on something that I only found somewhat fulfilling. The project I’d be working on for the next months was mentally challenging but not technically. And the other tasks colleagues needed my help with often didn’t require expertise, making me feel bored and underwhelmed. Yet, because I wanted to gain experience and become involved in interesting projects, once I felt more confident in my job, I started to bring myself up in conversation. This wasn’t something I loved doing because talking about myself like a commodity is giving LinkedIn energy, but it helped me find the things I like and got me to a point where I’m happy with the content and difficulty of my work as well as the level of responsibility. However, despite this progress, I’m still not sure if I’ll ever get behind the concept of spending 8 hours a day at work.
What also helped with work was getting closer to my colleagues. We started with a big group of trainees of similar age, which made the “social transition” to Vienna much easier, at least initially. At a certain point, I was so over meeting up with that many people all the time. It’s nearly impossible to find a bar/café/space that can seat 18 people on short notice or have conversations that go beyond surface level stuff. Thus, finding the balance between hanging out as a group and finding my people wasn’t always easy, but I got there. Funnily enough, I also reconnected with a friend from Spiegeloog whom I’ll live with in June. And I never stopped calling and visiting my friends, and they never stopped calling and visiting me. Also, what helped was realising that I had felt like this before when I started university. Back then, I came from a big group of friends at high school and was surprised that I didn’t immediately find my people when university started. What helped then and now, was to put myself out there, try new things but also stay true to myself. Because sitting in a sticky bar watching football with other trainees will never be my idea of a good time but going to a Pitch Perfect sing along comes pretty close.
I’m preaching about the importance of friendship but I initially struggled with spending time on new people as I went through a rough patch in my relationship and eventually a breakup. Let me tell you, moving to a new country, starting your first full-time job, and being away from your friends and family is one of the worst setups for a breakup. However, God is good and gifted us the internet, so I was calling, texting and facetiming before, during and after the break-up. No matter how far away my friends were, they always picked up the phone which I’m eternally grateful for. And I’m grateful for this breakup because it got me closer to acquaintances, now turned friends. Most people who were aware of my breakup just wanted to be there for me and I found a lot of comfort in this heartbreak(up) club. While a breakup is the epitome of feeling unbalanced, what helped me get back on track was no contact (even though I obviously succumbed to the social media check-ins), talking to my friends excessively, feeling my feelings and doubting my decision and then being gently shown reality by my friends (and also less gently, which I needed). And being fine with feeling out of whack – it just takes time to get used to being apart, accepting what happened, and for shared memories to fade into the past.
While I am making peace with my breakup, I am NOT making peace with my incredible misfortune on the housing market. Once I am done with my traineeship, I will have moved three times. Three times. Because, unfortunately, I lived with a 22-year-old and a 62-year-old who had no concept of privacy and treated my room like it was theirs—because, as the main tenant, in true tyrant fashion, they believed they could. This experience taught me that I apparently do not vibe with Viennese women who rent out rooms and that I should set boundaries in shared spaces, which I used to struggle with. I’ve learnt my lesson now, so, please, dear universe, let me leave this “Groundhog Day” behind. Moving again in June will hopefully be the end of my misfortune streak in Vienna and will allow me to finally have a refuge and safe space. It will also hopefully conclude the Viennese chapter of me having to look for housing, complaining about housing, going to weird castings, having friends help me move and losing all dignity carrying my suitcases down the insane amounts of steps at the U4 station as the lift is – again or maybe still – broken.
So, looking back on these last eight months, I’d say there is balance in some areas of my life but not in others. Besides the relationship, work, and housing stuff, I still do not meal-prep, I work out once every two weeks (at most), and I went to sleep at 2 a.m. every day of the last week because I’m on a mission to watch every crappy teenage romance movie on Netflix. And I’m fine with that. I’m fine with not having my shit figured out. Well, I’m fine with that most of the time. Because, if I’m completely honest, 18-year-old me did think 25-year-old me would have it figured out. I was certain that post-graduate life would be balanced – a stable, well-paying and fulfilling job, a long-term relationship, a great apartment, impressive cooking skills and an idea where the future is taking me – but I have none of that. However, what I do have is an amazing group of friends, great memories of my travels during the traineeship, giddy anticipation for the travels and festivals to come, the privilege of calling several cities home, and a lot of curiosity towards my future. And as I wouldn’t change any of that for the world, maybe, despite the messiness and uncertainty of it all, this is balance for me. At least for now.
Photo by Andreas Brücker.
I’ve been working on this Bacchus at a laundromat in Vienna, my friend’s house in Geneva, and on the train to my parents heading to Frankfurt. While writing this, I’ve also moved apartments – again. All in all, these last months have probably been some of the most tumultuous in my life. But despite the ups and downs and ups and downs and ups and downs (you get the drift), I think I’m heading in the right direction of finding some post-graduate balance. But let’s start at the beginning – my move to Vienna last September.
Some of you might remember my Bacchus from a year ago, in which I wrote about finishing my second master’s and my worries and hopes connected with leaving academia. Shortly after it was published, I applied for a traineeship at an EU agency and got my acceptance email in August. What followed was a whirlwind of events: my boyfriend and I discussed how we would make long-distance work, I said goodbye to my friends and Amsterdam, moved back to my parents for a month, and looked for housing in Vienna while on vacation. Luckily, finding a room was easier and cheaper than I was used to in Amsterdam, so I thought I had that figured out. Boy, was I wrong. But more on that later.
When my traineeship started in October, the 40-hour work week hit me like a truck. In all honesty, getting used to this new rhythm took me the better part of my 10-month traineeship. I felt insanely unbalanced in the beginning, having to wake up at 7:30 every day, going to the office when it’s dark outside, coming back when it’s dark outside, making dinner, trying to hang out with the other trainees, calling my friends, facetiming my boyfriend, and somehow doing my laundry in between all of this. This was also the first time in my life I had to make friends and explore a new city with so little time, energy, and lacking the option to sleep in or skip class. Eventually, I did find something resembling balance which means that there are weeks when I go out with friends after work, do a pottery workshop or head to the cinema, while there are other weeks when I am staying in, taking a bath, and watching Pride and Prejudice – again.
I initially didn’t only feel unbalanced because of this new rhythm, I also felt unbalanced because I wasn’t used to spending 40 hours on something that I only found somewhat fulfilling. The project I’d be working on for the next months was mentally challenging but not technically. And the other tasks colleagues needed my help with often didn’t require expertise, making me feel bored and underwhelmed. Yet, because I wanted to gain experience and become involved in interesting projects, once I felt more confident in my job, I started to bring myself up in conversation. This wasn’t something I loved doing because talking about myself like a commodity is giving LinkedIn energy, but it helped me find the things I like and got me to a point where I’m happy with the content and difficulty of my work as well as the level of responsibility. However, despite this progress, I’m still not sure if I’ll ever get behind the concept of spending 8 hours a day at work.
What also helped with work was getting closer to my colleagues. We started with a big group of trainees of similar age, which made the “social transition” to Vienna much easier, at least initially. At a certain point, I was so over meeting up with that many people all the time. It’s nearly impossible to find a bar/café/space that can seat 18 people on short notice or have conversations that go beyond surface level stuff. Thus, finding the balance between hanging out as a group and finding my people wasn’t always easy, but I got there. Funnily enough, I also reconnected with a friend from Spiegeloog whom I’ll live with in June. And I never stopped calling and visiting my friends, and they never stopped calling and visiting me. Also, what helped was realising that I had felt like this before when I started university. Back then, I came from a big group of friends at high school and was surprised that I didn’t immediately find my people when university started. What helped then and now, was to put myself out there, try new things but also stay true to myself. Because sitting in a sticky bar watching football with other trainees will never be my idea of a good time but going to a Pitch Perfect sing along comes pretty close.
I’m preaching about the importance of friendship but I initially struggled with spending time on new people as I went through a rough patch in my relationship and eventually a breakup. Let me tell you, moving to a new country, starting your first full-time job, and being away from your friends and family is one of the worst setups for a breakup. However, God is good and gifted us the internet, so I was calling, texting and facetiming before, during and after the break-up. No matter how far away my friends were, they always picked up the phone which I’m eternally grateful for. And I’m grateful for this breakup because it got me closer to acquaintances, now turned friends. Most people who were aware of my breakup just wanted to be there for me and I found a lot of comfort in this heartbreak(up) club. While a breakup is the epitome of feeling unbalanced, what helped me get back on track was no contact (even though I obviously succumbed to the social media check-ins), talking to my friends excessively, feeling my feelings and doubting my decision and then being gently shown reality by my friends (and also less gently, which I needed). And being fine with feeling out of whack – it just takes time to get used to being apart, accepting what happened, and for shared memories to fade into the past.
While I am making peace with my breakup, I am NOT making peace with my incredible misfortune on the housing market. Once I am done with my traineeship, I will have moved three times. Three times. Because, unfortunately, I lived with a 22-year-old and a 62-year-old who had no concept of privacy and treated my room like it was theirs—because, as the main tenant, in true tyrant fashion, they believed they could. This experience taught me that I apparently do not vibe with Viennese women who rent out rooms and that I should set boundaries in shared spaces, which I used to struggle with. I’ve learnt my lesson now, so, please, dear universe, let me leave this “Groundhog Day” behind. Moving again in June will hopefully be the end of my misfortune streak in Vienna and will allow me to finally have a refuge and safe space. It will also hopefully conclude the Viennese chapter of me having to look for housing, complaining about housing, going to weird castings, having friends help me move and losing all dignity carrying my suitcases down the insane amounts of steps at the U4 station as the lift is – again or maybe still – broken.
So, looking back on these last eight months, I’d say there is balance in some areas of my life but not in others. Besides the relationship, work, and housing stuff, I still do not meal-prep, I work out once every two weeks (at most), and I went to sleep at 2 a.m. every day of the last week because I’m on a mission to watch every crappy teenage romance movie on Netflix. And I’m fine with that. I’m fine with not having my shit figured out. Well, I’m fine with that most of the time. Because, if I’m completely honest, 18-year-old me did think 25-year-old me would have it figured out. I was certain that post-graduate life would be balanced – a stable, well-paying and fulfilling job, a long-term relationship, a great apartment, impressive cooking skills and an idea where the future is taking me – but I have none of that. However, what I do have is an amazing group of friends, great memories of my travels during the traineeship, giddy anticipation for the travels and festivals to come, the privilege of calling several cities home, and a lot of curiosity towards my future. And as I wouldn’t change any of that for the world, maybe, despite the messiness and uncertainty of it all, this is balance for me. At least for now.
Photo by Andreas Brücker
