There is no love like the first. We experience feelings we never knew existed before and understand what it means to love and sometimes be loved. This first love unfolds itself differently from person to person. Thus, I asked two psychology students to share their first step in the world of love with us and what they have learned from it.
Our first love introduces us to a world which we did not know existed before. Experiencing this level of romantic intimacy with someone for the first time is extremely beautiful, yet also overwhelming. Because of its purity and intensity, the first love is rarely forgotten, making it in my opinion one of the most important relationships of our lives. Everyone has different experiences when it comes to their first love. Today we are revisiting two of them together.
There is no love like the first. We experience feelings we never knew existed before and understand what it means to love and sometimes be loved. This first love unfolds itself differently from person to person. Thus, I asked two psychology students to share their first step in the world of love with us and what they have learned from it.
Our first love introduces us to a world which we did not know existed before. Experiencing this level of romantic intimacy with someone for the first time is extremely beautiful, yet also overwhelming. Because of its purity and intensity, the first love is rarely forgotten, making it in my opinion one of the most important relationships of our lives. Everyone has different experiences when it comes to their first love. Today we are revisiting two of them together.
Ella (23, third year psychology student)
Spiegeloog: How did you meet your first love?
Ella: I met him at a tutorial at uni. We were really close friends at the beginning and after some time more developed. Initially I was drawn to his intelligence and positive attitude. He seemed very approachable and kind. And this first impression lasted.
Spiegeloog: You mentioned that the two of you were friends. How did the friends become lovers?
Ella: That’s a long story. When we first met, he was in a relationship. Thus, it never crossed my mind that this could be more than friendship. But after he broke up with his girlfriend, I realised that I thought about being with him more than I did before. You don’t think about this so much when you are not interested. For the longest time I did not want to admit how much I liked him but after the breakup I took the courage and was honest with myself. So, we were very confused and insecure about what we were, no one dared to make a move. But after some time I just could not take it anymore and had to tell him how I feel about him.
Spiegeloog: How did that happen?
Ella: We went out for drinks with our friends. That evening, multiple of his friends had asked me about my feelings towards him. That’s when I realised that he had talked about me and that he possibly liked me too. When everyone was supposed to leave, we knew that we need to talk. This feeling sat between us for too long. Finally, we sat down on a random boat on the canals of Amsterdam in the middle of the night and talked. I looked at him and said: “I really like you, but I am scared”. He smiled and looked on the floor. I noticed that he was very happy about my confession and said: “I really like you too, but I just came out of a relationship.” To which I replied: “We have all the time in the world.”
Spiegeloog: Did this first love end?
Ella: Well, the love never ended, the love for him. But our relationship ended. For a while. At some point this relationship was filled with such intense love that we started to forget ourselves. We would spend so much time together and cared so much for each other that we often neglected our own life. And in a relationship, it is important that the other person should add to your life, but it should never evolve around it. I did not do anything else besides caring for him and I lost myself. And so did he. We both needed time apart.
Spiegeloog: What did you learn from your first love?
Ella: I know it sounds cliché, but you can care about someone so much, but at the same time you can never stop caring about yourself first.
Spiegeloog: How did this first love differ from following loves?
Ella: For me there was only one love. During our separation we both thought about it: what if? What if we would try it again? Both of us were in a better place and were looking after ourselves more. The reason we got back in touch was after I was in a warzone. I realised that I do not want to be 50 or in fact 23 and ask myself: What if? I did not have all the time in the world anymore. We are back together now and trying to work on what went wrong. The love never ended.
Spiegeloog: Would you do it again?
Ella: Yes, I would do it all over again. I learned a lot. Love is worth the pain.
Christine (22, third year psychology student)
Spiegeloog: How did you meet your first love?
Christine: We were at a party dancing on the dancefloor when a friend mentioned that there was a cute guy in the „dance circle“ next to us. We made eye contact a few times, smiling at each other before he came over and said, „You want to go outside?“ I followed him and 1 minute and about 4 sentences later we were leaning onto a tree making out. I guess you could call that passionate? Back then I was 16; mid puberty. I was very insecure about my body and self in general. That made me very susceptible to male validation. Any guy who was reasonably cute and nice to me would have swept me off my feet like that. I just couldn’t believe that a guy is interested in me in that way.
Spiegeloog: What made him so special? Describe how you felt during that time. What did you feel for the other person?
Christine: I was very infatuated by him. He fascinated me and I desperately wanted him to like me. Looking back at it now I can see that it was a very innocent, immature love, where everything was so exciting exactly because it happened for the first time. Anything he said or did was adored by me and he could do no wrong.
Spiegeloog: Did the love end? How did it end?
Christine: Us seeing each other naturally came to an end after graduation and us consequently living in different places. It took me a long time to get over those romantic feelings where you get all excited when you see their name pop up on your phone, probably more than a year after it stopped. We actually stayed in contact (which probably was also a factor why it took me so long to get over him) but now we have built a nice friendship where we sometimes call and just catch up. To be honest, I think we actually got to know each other mostly when we didn’t hook up anymore and I started to appreciate and like him more as a person than the idea of dating him in my head.
Spiegeloog: Have you ever been in love again? How did the first love differ from the following ones?
Christine: No, all of my other experiences I would title as crushes or flings. I have not felt so intensely for anyone afterwards, but I am sure it will come with the right person. I was young fresh out of puberty, meaning I had a lot of insecurities to deal with. I think at that point and age I would have fallen for anyone who showed a slight interest in me; I am saying that because he was actually the first who did and that is the reason I fell for him so hard so quickly. Now my dating processes are more experienced and mature, it is more of an equal „let’s get to know each other and see“ kind of thing.
Spiegeloog: What is your biggest take away from the experience?
Christine: First of all, it showed my insecure self that actually, men were able to be interested in me romantically and that there was nothing wrong with me. In the long term, it allowed me to reflect on those feelings about myself and how they influenced that whole process with him. Being my first experience with dating, it also definitely made me better at flirting and talking to guys in general
Spiegeloog: Would you do it again if you had a choice?
Christine: Yes. I think I was very lucky that I got a guy that actually treated me well in a time where I was so susceptible to male attention. Yes it broke my heart but I look back at it now with a smile, because it taught me so much about dating, intimacy and ultimately myself. It sounds cheesy but I think I really grew from that experience.
Ella (23, third year psychology student)
Spiegeloog: How did you meet your first love?
Ella: I met him at a tutorial at uni. We were really close friends at the beginning and after some time more developed. Initially I was drawn to his intelligence and positive attitude. He seemed very approachable and kind. And this first impression lasted.
Spiegeloog: You mentioned that the two of you were friends. How did the friends become lovers?
Ella: That’s a long story. When we first met, he was in a relationship. Thus, it never crossed my mind that this could be more than friendship. But after he broke up with his girlfriend, I realised that I thought about being with him more than I did before. You don’t think about this so much when you are not interested. For the longest time I did not want to admit how much I liked him but after the breakup I took the courage and was honest with myself. So, we were very confused and insecure about what we were, no one dared to make a move. But after some time I just could not take it anymore and had to tell him how I feel about him.
Spiegeloog: How did that happen?
Ella: We went out for drinks with our friends. That evening, multiple of his friends had asked me about my feelings towards him. That’s when I realised that he had talked about me and that he possibly liked me too. When everyone was supposed to leave, we knew that we need to talk. This feeling sat between us for too long. Finally, we sat down on a random boat on the canals of Amsterdam in the middle of the night and talked. I looked at him and said: “I really like you, but I am scared”. He smiled and looked on the floor. I noticed that he was very happy about my confession and said: “I really like you too, but I just came out of a relationship.” To which I replied: “We have all the time in the world.”
Spiegeloog: Did this first love end?
Ella: Well, the love never ended, the love for him. But our relationship ended. For a while. At some point this relationship was filled with such intense love that we started to forget ourselves. We would spend so much time together and cared so much for each other that we often neglected our own life. And in a relationship, it is important that the other person should add to your life, but it should never evolve around it. I did not do anything else besides caring for him and I lost myself. And so did he. We both needed time apart.
Spiegeloog: What did you learn from your first love?
Ella: I know it sounds cliché, but you can care about someone so much, but at the same time you can never stop caring about yourself first.
Spiegeloog: How did this first love differ from following loves?
Ella: For me there was only one love. During our separation we both thought about it: what if? What if we would try it again? Both of us were in a better place and were looking after ourselves more. The reason we got back in touch was after I was in a warzone. I realised that I do not want to be 50 or in fact 23 and ask myself: What if? I did not have all the time in the world anymore. We are back together now and trying to work on what went wrong. The love never ended.
Spiegeloog: Would you do it again?
Ella: Yes, I would do it all over again. I learned a lot. Love is worth the pain.
Christine (22, third year psychology student)
Spiegeloog: How did you meet your first love?
Christine: We were at a party dancing on the dancefloor when a friend mentioned that there was a cute guy in the „dance circle“ next to us. We made eye contact a few times, smiling at each other before he came over and said, „You want to go outside?“ I followed him and 1 minute and about 4 sentences later we were leaning onto a tree making out. I guess you could call that passionate? Back then I was 16; mid puberty. I was very insecure about my body and self in general. That made me very susceptible to male validation. Any guy who was reasonably cute and nice to me would have swept me off my feet like that. I just couldn’t believe that a guy is interested in me in that way.
Spiegeloog: What made him so special? Describe how you felt during that time. What did you feel for the other person?
Christine: I was very infatuated by him. He fascinated me and I desperately wanted him to like me. Looking back at it now I can see that it was a very innocent, immature love, where everything was so exciting exactly because it happened for the first time. Anything he said or did was adored by me and he could do no wrong.
Spiegeloog: Did the love end? How did it end?
Christine: Us seeing each other naturally came to an end after graduation and us consequently living in different places. It took me a long time to get over those romantic feelings where you get all excited when you see their name pop up on your phone, probably more than a year after it stopped. We actually stayed in contact (which probably was also a factor why it took me so long to get over him) but now we have built a nice friendship where we sometimes call and just catch up. To be honest, I think we actually got to know each other mostly when we didn’t hook up anymore and I started to appreciate and like him more as a person than the idea of dating him in my head.
Spiegeloog: Have you ever been in love again? How did the first love differ from the following ones?
Christine: No, all of my other experiences I would title as crushes or flings. I have not felt so intensely for anyone afterwards, but I am sure it will come with the right person. I was young fresh out of puberty, meaning I had a lot of insecurities to deal with. I think at that point and age I would have fallen for anyone who showed a slight interest in me; I am saying that because he was actually the first who did and that is the reason I fell for him so hard so quickly. Now my dating processes are more experienced and mature, it is more of an equal „let’s get to know each other and see“ kind of thing.
Spiegeloog: What is your biggest take away from the experience?
Christine: First of all, it showed my insecure self that actually, men were able to be interested in me romantically and that there was nothing wrong with me. In the long term, it allowed me to reflect on those feelings about myself and how they influenced that whole process with him. Being my first experience with dating, it also definitely made me better at flirting and talking to guys in general
Spiegeloog: Would you do it again if you had a choice?
Christine: Yes. I think I was very lucky that I got a guy that actually treated me well in a time where I was so susceptible to male attention. Yes it broke my heart but I look back at it now with a smile, because it taught me so much about dating, intimacy and ultimately myself. It sounds cheesy but I think I really grew from that experience.
